Empathy: Fuel for Connection

What is empathy? How is it different from sympathy? Can it be taught? In this article from our series The Gift of Empathy, we look at what the experts say about the power of empathy to change lives and fuel intimate connections.

Earlier this month, a young man entered the Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church in Charleston, South Carolina, and after sitting with a group in Bible study for a time, shot and killed nine people. As the details of this violent act came to light, it became clear it was a racially motivated crime. This senseless act of violence is one in a series of recent tragic events that have shattered our nation’s sense of justice and illusion of racial harmony.

Clearly, there is still much work to be done. But where do we begin? How do we bridge a divide made all the wider by acts of hatred and violence?

Those who study human behavior and diversity say empathy is a good place to start. Whether it’s interacting with someone from a different culture, addressing someone whose life has been changed by a physical illness, or trying to comfort a friend going through a difficult experience, when we encounter people who are different than us, the ability to empathize can change the course of an interaction.

What Is Empathy?

Brene Brown gives us a beautiful illustration of what empathy is in this video short based on her TED Talk “The Power of Vulnerability.” “Empathy is feeling with someone,” she says. “Empathy drives connection … and it’s a vulnerable choice because in order to connect with you, I have to connect with something inside myself that knows that feeling.”

In this article in Psychology Today, Licensed Professional Counselor Ugo Uche offers this, “Being empathetic towards others is a matter of mentally placing yourself in the position of another person and imagining what your feelings in the position of that other person would be.”

Empathy is different from sympathy in that it requires identifying with a person on a much deeper level.

Wired for Empathy

Until 1996 empathy was thought to be a purely cognitive phenomenon. Research published that year by Giacomo Rizzolatti, a neuroscientist at the University of Parma, Italy, supports a biological basis for empathy. In his lab, Rizzolatti noticed that the same brain cells fired in a monkey when it watched humans or other monkeys bring peanuts to their mouths as when the monkey itself brought a peanut to its mouth. This observation formed the foundation for his research on mirror neurons, a special class of cells in the brain that fire when an animal sees or hears an action and when the animal carries out the same action on its own.

The presence of mirror neurons in human brains was soon confirmed. In this article for the New York Times, Dr. Rizzolatti says, "Mirror neurons allow us to grasp the minds of others not through conceptual reasoning but through direct simulation. By feeling, not by thinking."

The ability to share another person’s emotions is closely linked to the functioning of mirror neurons. In his TED talk, neuroscientist Vilayanur Ramachandran explains the functions of mirror neurons and how he believes they have impacted civilization.

Can Empathy Be Taught?

But if empathy is rooted in our physiology in the form of mirror neurons, can it be taught? Experts say yes. In fact, many medical schools are investing in teaching our future physicians the important skills of empathy, says Sandra G. Boodman for The Atlantic. “Studies have linked empathy to greater patient satisfaction, better outcomes, decreased physician burnout, and a lower risk of malpractice suits and errors."

In fact, the earlier we begin to teach about empathy, the better, says Laura Padilla Walker, assistant professor in the School of Family Life at Brigham Young University. In this article for BYU Magazine, she says children as young as 18 months can understand teachings about empathy.

Even the producers of Sesame Street know this. They use their substantial platform to teach toddlers about empathy in this video of actor Mark Ruffalo and one of the Sesame Street muppets explaining that empathy means, “To understand exactly how someone feels.”

It Takes Work

“It’s not a matter of holding hands and singing 'Kumbaya,'” says President Barack Obama, in this interview with Charlie Rose that is a part of a collage of clips illustrating his thoughts on empathy. “It’s hard work to understand people who are not like you. It’s hard work to be able to empathize with those who have different experiences and different values than you. … ” We need to use “our imaginations to see the other person,” he says.

Or, as writer Billy Coffey illustrates, we need to know their stories. When we know the details of the reasons behind people’s actions, it can change the way we see them. Michael Chen shares the story of a near-mugging that opened his eyes to the pain of people in his city. “Sometimes God has to sneak up on us to get past all our self-protective measures,” he says. Writer George Barron tells the story of how the unexpected loss of his father at a young age primed his heart to feel with others more deeply.

Beloved Community

Following the Justice Department’s report on the incidents that occurred in Ferguson, Missouri, in August 2014, Michael Gerson of the Washington Post laments: “It is inherently difficult to stand in judgment of a social structure that one is part of. It is hard to see the wheel on which we turn. This requires empathy—the ability to imagine oneself in a different social circumstance, to feel just a bit of the helplessness and anger of someone facing injustice."

Brene Brown says, “Empathy fuels connection.” It builds the bridge between real and perceived differences. Trent Gillis, senior editor of the radio program On Being agrees. About this beautiful video entitled “Empathy”, produced by the Cleveland Clinic, he comments, “In the end, it's about human connection. When we relate to those around us by understanding their back stories and their circumstances, we improve the way we work, the way we live, the way we take care of one another, the way we relate going forward and, as Martin Luther King, Jr. would say, building the ‘beloved community’ that edifies us all.”