Confession and Forgiveness in Marriage

Don’t apologize when you’ve done something wrong to your spouse!

That’s what Mike Metzger warns us in a recent post at Doggie Head Tilt.

Why shouldn’t we apologize?

Metzger writes,

“Most folks apologize for bad behavior. Bad move for marriage. The word ‘apology’ comes from the Greek ‘to give a defense.’ When couples apologize, they’re defending, explaining, or justifying their actions. This is not the course of action God commands when we sin. And we sin everyday.”

Perhaps that is not our intention when we seek to apologize, but Mike is trying to make a point by looking at a couple of Greek words.

Our New Testaments were originally written in Greek. And the word apologia is used when someone is seeking to prove his or her innocence to others. Often, I know from personal experience in my marriage, I "apologize" to my wife by explaining to her that she took offense at something that she shouldn’t have, or that she interpreted my actions incorrectly, or that what I did (though sinful) was somehow justified because of how I felt or what she did or how bad my day had been. That’s when my apology becomes more like the Greek word than what it should actually be.

But the New Testament has a better word for what we should do: homologia.

Confession comes from the Greek “to say the same thing,” or “agree with.” When God’s Spirit convicts of sin, it is our responsibility to agree with him. This doesn’t mean explaining why we sinned or defending our actions. In marriage, confession is saying to your spouse exactly what the Spirit said to you – nothing more and nothing less. It’s agreeing with God, regardless of whether your spouse was upset, offended, provoked, or even aware of your sin. It’s saying, ‘I was wrong… I sinned. Do you forgive me?’

Mike also discusses the importance of true forgiveness in this excellent post. Be sure to read about true confession and forgiveness here.

Image by Tim Miller. Used with permission. Sourced via Flickr.

Post by Bob Robinson, Faith Editor for The High Calling and the Executive Director of The Center to Reintegrate Faith, Life, and Vocations. Follow Reintegrate's tweets at @re_integrate and Bob's personal twitter at @Bob_Robinson_re